How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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