So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
