remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
