It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
