Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
