I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
