i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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