This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize