We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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