My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The air was thick with penises
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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