is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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