remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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