She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
