took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
