It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
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Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
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You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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