$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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