i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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