This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
