He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
