you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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