Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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