so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Boobs are out for the taking
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
