Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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