Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
