Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
