Acid is not a monday night drug
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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