Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is the high leading the old right now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
