More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
