btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
