I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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