I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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