I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
