We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
