May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
