Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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