highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
