I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He better not be in your backpack
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The power of my boobs compel you
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
