i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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