third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
