I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
