I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
