Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize