Cold hands, warm shart.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
