pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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