glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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