Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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