Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Rumble strips road head = magical
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
