1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
