I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
