Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
