It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
