omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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