Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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