you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
