I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
