Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
