I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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