I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
