he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
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Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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