You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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