Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so much tequila, so little girl.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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