You just made me feel so damn special
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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