I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
