he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
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Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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