look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
