i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
