the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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