Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
