Do you still have your period?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
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I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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